Identity Game
by Kayla Lum
There are so many ways to define ourselves. What is your zodiac sign? How old are you? Where are you from? Are you a parent? Do you have any siblings? Are you a student? Do you believe in an afterlife? What is your gender? What is your sexuality? What is your ethnicity? Do you like sunsets or the sunrise? Do you have a sweet tooth? Are you single, married, polyamorous? I have answers to all of these questions, as I’m sure you do too. There was a time in my life where I clung to these answers with dear life as if to proclaim to the world, “now THIS… is me!” I wore these answers like badges, proudly, publicly. I stand for these answers, I fight for my right to these answers, I am these answers.
Until I wasn’t.
Identity and what we define it as can be liberating and empowering. It offers access to communities and fosters belonging, all of which are important for a fulfilling and joyous life. We are not meant to walk through and live our lives alone! We need community, we need empathy, we need to feel needed and wanted and we need to want and need.
There is an overwhelming amount of pressure to belong though. The Internet is vast, it’s expansive, it is more than our phones and our laptops. It has influenced and progressed our culture, society, our world faster than ever before. I can even venture far enough to say that maybe we rush to these identifiers in order to be a part of these communities and maybe even to find answers for ourselves too.
We as humans naturally like to belong. This longing for community is primitive and ancient. But just like everything else, there is balance to be had. It may be counterproductive to stick too many badges on ourselves, to fit into too many molds, to define ourselves so often from the outside looking in. I’ve learned in a short amount of time that if we are receptive to change and welcome failures and shortcomings, things will change naturally and because they are supposed to.
There is a natural anxiety that comes along with change. The fear of the unknown, the zone outside of the comfort zone. I know that fear is not unique to me. But I find that when I’m aware of myself growing and my life changing that there is the tendency to cling on to what we know just because it’s what we know. I have recently decided that that’s not a good enough reason to not embrace change anymore. Change is supposed to be scary, that is in it’s nature. But it isn’t for long, just in the beginning. Just for a little.
All of this is to say, identifiers are important. Labels and communities and having a sense of belonging is vital. It’s also important to note that these identifiers are often fluid, they grow and change as we do. There is a great amount of adaptation that life requires in order to reap it’s benefits in full. I’m not great at it and it’s something I need to work at continuously but it’s worth it to see who we could be if we let life teach us the lessons we need to learn.