Better: You Deserve It.
by Kayla Pearson
As women, especially as women of color, we are often assessed by how much we can endure. We are judged by how much we are willing to put up with and how tenaciously we will hold on. Too often, resilience is confused for overextension, but there is something to be said for learning to choose ourselves and learning to trust ourselves, to trust our gut.
There is a misconception that choosing yourself automatically means adopting selfishness as a way of life when it is simply a way to love ourselves. Self-love is preached about, but no one talks about the dirty underside. Yes, self-love is about unconditional compassion and acceptance for yourself – regardless of your skin tone, your relationship status, your weight, your bank account, the connectivity of your LinkedIn network. The list goes on. However, it is also about accountability. Stepping up for yourself, owning your power as a woman and as a human being, and taking responsibility for your own well-being. It is advocating for yourself and doing the work to confront your bullshit, so that you can better show up for the people around you. The world needs the better you. You need the best you.
There are no qualifiers for loving yourself. It’s just making the choice every day to continue choosing yourself and keep doing the best that you can on any given day. Even when you don’t get the job. Even when they do not love or cannot love you back. Even, and maybe especially, when you make a mistake. It’s excusing yourself from your seemingly permanent dwelling underneath the umbrella of shame and finding grace on the other side. Grace, always extended – even when it wavers, even when the growth is uncomfortable – because you are worth it.
Stop accepting less than you deserve from yourself and others, and then wearing the insufficiency like a badge of honor or proof of resilience. There is a difference between enduring circumstances and inflicting unnecessary pain and harm upon yourself.