2018 Musings
By: Kayla Pearson
In honor of 2019, we gathered up a group of girlfriends and had a vision board party. We ate, drank tequila, and laughed as we reflected on everything that accumulated to 2018 and shared our intentions for the coming year. So many things came up for each of us: musings on body image, love, friendship, and the overwhelming consensus - good, bad, or indifferent - was that we are just so damn grateful for this beautiful life we’re still figuring out and this little community of badass women that we’re building here.
One of the questions that I posed to the group (and all of my sweet friends and fam all week) was “What did you discover about yourself in 2018?” I’m all about any opportunity to get introspective and loved the range of responses - some literal, some beautifully metaphorical, some in-depth, and some short and to the point. Some of us had the best year of our lives, whatever that means, and all of us definitely took our share of L’s. In any case, we’re all learning and growing and ain’t that a miracle in itself.
Personally, 2018 was my favorite year yet. I wasn’t scheduled for my seemingly biannual rock bottom, and after the 2017 I had, there was really nowhere to go but up. In brief summary: I moved and gave myself a much needed fresh start, met the most incredible people, finished school, restored relationships, took better care of my skin and body, cried in my car more than I care to admit, let love find me, broke my own heart, devoted time to projects that mean a lot to me, gained weight, lost weight, started school, grieved losses, wrote a lot, didn’t write enough, cut my hair, travelled, and had hella stress pimples. In no particular order of importance, of course. 2018 was a mixed bag, but it taught me so much.
Here are some highlights.
I can gracefully let go of things, if only for the simple fact that they are heavy or unnecessary for where I am headed. This includes the arbitrary timeline I set for myself when I was a teenager.
What I want is not always what I need.
I don’t have to want or do what other people think I should want or do, even if it’s good for me.
I genuinely like my own company. I am a lover, with or without a lover.
When the natural inclination is to run, stay still. Sit with it, and then act. More often than not, the answer is to get closer and get curious. Almost nothing is personal.
What’s for me is for me. No amount of self-doubt can take that away. In the same token, it’s okay to be proud of myself and to let that manifest however it may.
Mind my own business. Also, keep it off the internet.
There is so much healing in genuine friendship. There is so much peace in meeting people where they are, without expectation of change.
Self-awareness means very little without accountability and changed behaviors. Also, it’s never too late to reach out and apologize.
Just because it’s not something, doesn’t mean that it’s nothing. I don’t have to assign a label just to make myself, or anyone else, more comfortable.
My biggest takeaway is that life comes at you in waves and there is no rhyme, reason, or absolutism about it. There were so many markers I had for this year - that I thought would make me feel happy or important or accomplished (and maybe they did, briefly), but ultimately, I’ve realized that it’s less about checking off the boxes and more about the little bits in between. None of the rest really matters all that much. On that note, cheers to the freakin’ New Year!
P.S. What did you learn in 2018? Send us an email or slide in our DM’s (@toherbyher).